Projects vs Promises!

Projects or Promises?

It was in the “Acknowledgement” section of the book that was loaned to me. Here’s the statement, “first and foremost to thank Carol, my partner of ten years, for the precious gifts she gave me. Our marriage did not survive this book.” Do you hear the sadness, the loneliness, the lost, the frustration, THE CLUE?

Here’s a guy that let the project of the book overshadow the promises of the wedding altar. It seems to me that people spend way too much time and money on the wedding and not enough time on the preparation, money and effort on the marriage. Let me tell you if you don’t already know that marriages that WORK take WORK. Loving, caring and intimate relationships are the results of “tending the garden”.

That author states the obvious. The book project received more attention than the promise to his wife, more attention than his marriage. He became partners with a project rather than a person. Millions are suffering from loneliness, lack of appreciation and depression maybe even abuse because they may be married but they are not one in love, emotion and spirit. Many marriages are struggling with frustration because there is no love in the relationship. There is neither respect nor appreciation. Many a spouse has put projects above and before their promises.

If you find yourself in such a position, let me give you a couple suggestions that may help you and yours.

First, everything revolves around the center. I believe that all sides of the human psychic (mental, emotional, sexual, psychological, etc) revolve around a center. Just like the sun is the center of our solar system, our human sides all revolve around this center. Throw our sun out of kilter and our whole solar system is affected. The center and focus of US is our spirit, our soul. If the spirit is off than everything else will be off including our marriages. All our relationships, the depth and intimacy of them, flow from the center of our spirituality.

If we are having break downs in the friendship area, communication area, sexual area…hey friend, those are just the symptoms of a root problem. The question is not, “are you and your spouse getting along?” The question is, “Are you and the Lord Jesus getting along?” Just as everything in our solar system revolves around the sun, so does everything in our human makeup revolve around THE SON. Are you in God’s Word feeding your spiritual life on a daily basis? Are you and your spouse praying TOGETHER? “Families that pray together, stay together!” The depth of your passion for God will determine your compassion for those around you. Remember, Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to “love the Lord your God with all your body, mind, soul and spirit”. He said the second greatest commandment is like unto it, “Love your neighbor as yourself”. (Luke 10:27) Your spouse is your closest neighbor. If there is a problem in that relationship, than I would almost guarantee you that you have a relationship problem with the Almighty. Remember, your passion for spiritual things, almighty God, will determine your passion for those around you.
So suggestion number one is: do spiritual things together like PRAY TOGETHER.

Secondly, COMMIT YOURSELF TO YOUR SPOUSE AND TO YOUR MARRIAGE! In Bob Russell’s book, “Marriage by the Book” he writes, “Winston Churchill rallied England during WWII with the phrase, ‘wars are not won by evacuations.” Neither are marriages. Good marriages are not the result of individuals bailing out. The promises we make at the marriage altar are covenant vows before almighty God. It’s a covenant commitment that no matter what comes our way, “for better or for worse” we will be committed to each other. When we commit to love as Christ loved the church we will be faithful to each other mentally, physically and emotionally. Colossians 3:14 says, “put on love”…that’s a commandment.
Robert McQuilkin resigned as President of Columbia Bible College in March 1990 to care for his wife. His wife, Muriel, suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. In announcing his resignation he shared, “this decision was made 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel ‘in sickness and in health…till death do us part’. McQuilkin went on to say, “I’m a man of my word; integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of debt to her…but there is more”, he said, “…I love her”.

WOW! Here is a man who kept his word. He’s my hero.
So here is suggestion Number 2.

COMMIT YOURSELF TO YOUR SPOUSE AND TO YOUR MARRIAGE.

It is my prayer that we don’t let projects put canyons between our promises.

Don’t give in. Don’t give up. AND NO COMPROMISE!